lost & found & lost

rants and raves and other shtuff

2005-07-26T15:57:00.000-04:00

things i hate #1

103 degree weather with humidity of 28%. that prickly feeling under your arms you get when you are about to sweat. going out for a smoke and sweating so much i need another shower.

things i hate #2

listening to other people have sex. knowing i'm gonna have to quit smoking again.

things i hate #3

stop lights every 3 ft. that last for an eternity. old granny drivers. lukewarm car air conditioning.

things i hate #4

conditional friends. people who try and control you. judgemental people.

things i hate #5

morning breath. cigarette breath. your breath after eating barbque pringles.

things i hate #6

not being able to break up with someone/not wanting to break up with someone for the 4th time/but still not wanting to be with said someone/but not wanting to be alone

things i hate #7

having to pretend to be someone i'm not around friends because they won't understand/won't like the real me/will be judgemental about the real me, even in public forums such as my own personal blog in which i write whatever i damn well please

things i hate #8

knowing i deserve better/want a better path for myself right now but can't, for some reason, do anything to go in that direction. doubts. fear. guilt. hopelessness. depression.

things i hate #9

a friend who constantly reminds me i'm not where i should be, and that he's always right, and that i'm wrong, and therefore he's not gonna talk to me

things i hate #10

i don't really want to talk to you anymore either. hence why i'm not.

things i hate #11

not knowing if i might have failed my last class in college because i never went or did my homework.

things i hate #12

planning on feeding 2 missionaries, yourself, another girl, and a preisthood holder. in reality, unwillingly buying chinese food for 7 people. having all those people show up late.

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things i love #1

missionaries. and the fact that no matter how screwed up your relationship with your heavenly father is, they bring the spirit into your house.

things i love #2

a friend who introduces you to the gospel, and no matter how far away he lives, whever you hear his voice you know he will make everything ok. having this friend love me no matter how much i mess up. exchanging daily emails with this friend saying what we did to bring us closer to the spirit that day.
(things i hate #12.5 being in love with said friend for 2 years. knowing said friend is not in love with me)

things i love #3

chocolate. shoes (at a 50% employee discount). retail therapy.

things i love #4

having the missionary who was there when you were baptized come back and work as a bug boy in your area. hanging out with him. being able to hug him. being able to talk on the phone with him. inviting him as your date to your friends wedding.

things i love #5

having the hope that one day i will move and using that as an excuse to break up with the bf. having the faith that there is someone out there who i haven't met yet who is perfect for me. who will make me happy. who will make me want to be more righteous. who i will marry in a temple. who's babies i will have. who's life i will share. who will be my soulmate.

things i love #6

my family. my puppy. my bed. my hair. my nose. my chest. my smile.

thing i want to love

me.

2005-07-23T00:49:00.000-04:00

i've been the crappiest blogger recently, sorry. that's because i basically took like a month-long hiatus from being mormon. i had all these doubts coming at me from all directions. i don't think i'm gonna get kicked out for the stuff i did, but i'm pretty dang far away from becoming worthy. i mean, we're talking more than a year here people. being that far away kept making me hopeless and getting those feelings that i can't come back. which made me just give up sometimes. lots of times. *sigh* i really don't wanna talk about it or rehash it anymore than i have and will be in my mind in the oncoming months. let's just leave it as a "live and learn" type of thing. i'm single now, and it will hopefully stay that way for a while. heh, i've never been of that opinion before now. but it's kinda necessary at the moment. i need some solo time to think and read.

OK. enough with the depressing stuff. onto happiness. here's one of my sister's senior pics. ain't she gorgeous?

since starting my job at a shoe store i have bought six pairs of shoes, two purses and a belt. you think that is a little excessive? heheheeheheh. i have another pair i want to get too. but i've run out of discount. there are monthly limits. BLAST. they are black and pointy and cute and ridiculously painful too. I NEED THEM. retail therapy works and i am living proof.

so i know tatoos are a big no-no. BUT i still think they are hot. and i want one (angel wings, lower back). discuss amongst yahh-selves

21!!!

2005-07-12T20:48:00.000-04:00

i turned 21 last friday. and i didn't have a drink. HOLLA!!! granted i DID go out dancing on saturday night. but i was the DD.

yo yo

2005-07-05T18:11:00.000-04:00

what up people, and don't say the sky. cuz i'm easily amused and laugh everytime someone says that, hehehehe. and then they realize i'm a dork, which i work so hard to conceal. i've been working like a crazy person. the feet hurt :( what is up with guys not liking to touch feet? i ask them for a foot massage and hoist my foot in their lap playfully and they like go into spasms and freak out. my feet are pretty! i even have rasberry colored toes. no nasty fungus or black toenails. or hair. very nice feet. what's up with that! my feet need some lovin.

i'm sick in bed today, skipped class. one stuffy nostril and one runny nostril. then i flip over and it switches. gross. have a ton of homework to do, 3 chapters worth of busy work due tomo ugg.

outside of the store where i work there is a little kiosk for dell computers, and there is this really cute guy that works there. i told the people i work with that i thought he was cute and i pranced around in front of the door everytime i passed it so he could see me heheheh. turns out he is the roomate of my manager's boyfriend. she told him i thought he was cute and he came in the store twice to talk to me. the first time i was helping customers and i got scared and hid in the back, heheheehhe i'm such a dork. the second time i actually talked to him (blushing like crazy) and then as i was leaving work yesterday i gave him my number, and he invited me to this 4th of july barbeque their apartment was having. i couldn't go but here are what the text messages said:

boy: Hey this is bryan. You are still more than welcome to come over later for dinner.
me: i wish i could hun, but i am in wilmington hehe. we'll have to get together another time ;)
boy: Definetly (that's exactly how he spelled it). Just wanted u to know i wouldve enjoyed your company if u came
me: i would have enjoyed your company too. hopefully i will get to another night

tooooooo ceeee-uuuuute! hopefully he calls. he said we could do something this weekend. i hope we do. but this guy isn't a member, and he knows i'm mormon. as my experience with non-members shows, the fact that i'm mormon turns non-member guys on because they wanna corrupt you or something. i dunno. the first date will be a make or break it kinda date, because he will see i don't drink or smoke and i wanna take it slow, and he will have to decide if he's ok with that. hopefull i can be strong. you are prolly thinking i am stupid for even thinking about dating him. and you are prolly right, heheheh. we'll see what happens.

i'm having a party for my birthday this friday and the whole ward is invited, it's gonna be HOT. we are eating at my favorite tex-mex place and then going to adventure landing. so exciting. a little different than how i had imagined my 21st birthday all my life, but that's ok. mormons do it better. that's my new slogan. along with my new theme song which is that "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" song. i've had this amazing boost of self-confidence lately. maybe it's because i've been alone for a while and now i have like 3 prospects. and a crush on one of the bug boys and another guy who is thirty. he has this one crooked tooth and is SO tall. adorable. but he's thirty. is that too old? i'm willing to bend the rules for him. what is up with me? i'm supposed to be dating no one. instead i'm dating everyone. maybe in a way both those strategies have the same outcome: unattachment. unattachment means easier for me to say no when things get steamy. cuz i'm thinking about myself more, thinking about what is best for me, not being all "I-WANT-HIM-TO-LIKE-ME-I-WANNA-HAVE-HIS-BABIES" cuz that is no good, and makes me turn into a rag doll that transforms into whatever he wants. A RAG DOLL NO MORE MY FRIENDS. i'll be a porcelin doll. pretty, captivating, hard as a rock. except porcelin dolls break kinda easily. hmmmm. stainless steel?

i'm baaaaaaaaack

2005-06-27T22:14:00.000-04:00

ok babies. mama's back. took a lil' break from posting because i was in a cynical, my-life-is-not-worth-blogging-about mood. i had messed up again and felt like a hypocrite. to anyone who is new to my blog, i am not good at being mormon so don't look at my example as what a good mormon is like. there are way awesome mormons out there who are doing what they are supposed to and what is going to bring them blessings and joy in their life. like brian. i am gonna get there. i keep falling off the wagon people but dangit, I GET BACK ON! and this time i am gonna stay there! won't go into details, but did something pretty dang bad, and got seriously burned for it. i realized that breaking the law of chastity will never bring me joy. those guys will never look at me as someone they can spend all of eternity together with. it will just bring me pain. and although now i am on probation (oops), at least i have learned from this experience that with boys i can't just become this person that they want me to be. because one minute they may want me one way, and the next day they will want me a different way and will refuse to talk to me for being the other way the night before. so BLAH in your face boys, i'm gonna be my own, purposefully single, person now. i never want to hear my bishop say to me ever again "get with the program or get out." he said if something happens with yet another guy he will have to make an anouncement in priesthood telling guys to stay away from me (gulp). all part of the "protecting the flock" responsibility of the bishop. and i don't want that to happen. so ONWARD HO towards a more pure and joyful existence. i will arrive there, in ohhhhh, 12 months : /

OK on to more happy business. the GOOD NEWS is that i am employed and getting lots of hours and i rock at my job. the BAD NEWS is that my feet now resemble beaten lumps of flesh. such is the consequence of working at a shoe store where i have to stand on my feet for up to 8 hours on end in heels and climb monkey-style up shelves and stuff cuz it takes too long to get the ladder, you lose the customer. i give you the evidence:

the victims

the culprits (well ok those aren't the exact shoes, but ya know imagine a 20 dollar knock-off pair from rack room---- i wasn't even wearing shoes from where i work heheheh)

i love my job cuz it's like shopping for other people at my favorite shoe store. they come in and i show them all the stuff i love and dress them all up and make them spend their money there. it's fun. plus i get 3% of whatever i sell. i was the highest seller yesterday woohooo! and yes, yesterday was a sunday, and yes i have to work sundays, but they don't make me come in until after church. and the mall closes at 6. so basically it's like cutting out my sunday afternoon nap and making money so i can tithe. i get paid for the first time this friday i can't wait. i won't see any of that paycheck cuz i owe lots of people money. but it will still feel good.

job search for post-graduation job going slow. applied to like 20 jobs but most of them don't stop taking applications for them until late july. so i have to wait. i am in the process of applying for like 20 more. the mom came and took me out for lunch today and verbally kicked my lazy, procrastinating trash, budgeting out how much money i will need each month to live on my own in DC and saying i have to get a job soon because she is not letting me go without health insurance, and health insurance is expensive. i tried not to hyperventilate. or stick my head in a hole and cry. i hate talking about money.

what else people what else. i got a B french 1. i started french 2. my new professor is one crazy ax bi...erm...witch. she is very loud and very french and gets mad if you pronounce stuff wrong. very confrontational, speed-repeat-after-me type of person. you get a question wrong or fumble and she's like NOOOOOON, REPITEEEEZ! it's unnerving. sooo hard to find the energy to get up in the morning for that one. ugh.

alright that should suffice for tonight. gotta go get my groove on with my scriptures. and prez kimball's the miracle of forgiveness. oh and french homework. can't forget that. fun times. sleep tight babies, mama loves you, she won't leave again, promise ;-p

again : (

2005-06-18T12:55:00.000-04:00

i'm like the Hulk. who changes into this monster when he's angry, and then when he turns back into his normal self he looks around and is like "what have i done?" staring at his hands in disbelief like people who just killed someone for the first time do in movies. except with me, i turn into a big, green, scary monster not when i'm angry but when i'm horny. i'm the Hornk, not the Hulk. heh, ok that was cheesy. but it's true! not quite sure what to do with myself. because more than anything i'm hurting him, along with me, which makes me feel horrible the day after. i'm so selfish.

i found this online conversation i saved from january, like 3 weeks after i was baptized, between me and the guy who introduced me to the church and baptized me. i had just gotten back from institute, where afterwards i had recieved a blessing from my home teachers to help me not feel cravings to smoke so much. i remember how strong i felt that day, how wonderful it felt. where has that christine gone? i'm in need of some serious spiritual re-focusing.

me: i'm so glad i'm in this ward, everyone is so good, they give me examples to follow
me: when i was all alone at cp [cedar point, where we worked and met] after you left, thats when i screwed up
me: and in spain when i smoked
me: it's funny how my fantasies have changed since joining. before i thought about, well, bad stuff. but now when i'm lying in bed before i go to sleep, you know what i fantasize about?
boy: huh
me: about sitting down to dinner at the head of the table and looking down to the other end at my husband smiling back at me and knowing that we created all the children that surround us
me: and all the noise and confusion and laughter there will be
me: and i'll ask my small son to bless the food
me: i'm crying just thinking about it
me: i really am a dork
boy: that's a nice thought
boy: yes, but you'll get over it
me: i hope i don't
me: i gave my dad a book of mormon today
boy: how'd that go?
me: good
boy: good:-)
me: he imediately looked at all the pictures and started asking me a milion questions
boy: sweet!
me: we are so alike him and i
me: spiritually
boy: that's nice
me: so pray for him k?
boy: I will
boy: :-D
me: i'm sorry you probably want to go to bed
boy: it was worth hearing that though
me: i just wish you could be here when i discover all these wonderful things in the church
boy: neat huh?
me: yes
boy: I love our church
me: me too, more every day
boy: that's awesome
me: i know you don't feel the same way about me, but i miss you so much
boy: I miss you too
boy: and I'm truely sorry for what happened [law of chastity, heh, surprise surprise]
me: just the peace you bring over me when i am near you
me: yes me too but you know what? i'm so happy because i know now that it will NEVER happen again for me because i am so much strong
me: er
boy: good, me too
me: amazing how much i've changed
me: since i was baptized
boy: the church is true and will do that to you
me: i know
me: i'm so glad i was chosen to become a part of it. because thats what happend i was chosen. without God's intervention i would not have come to know the truth
me: in spain when i saw the missionaries, meeting you, how our relationship progressed, it all happened for a reason
boy: you were golden
boy: yep
boy: you make me so happy
me: because quite honestly i don't think i would have read and asked questions if i was not in it (at the time) for ulterior motives
me: you make me happy too
me: and then it just grabbed hold of me somewhere between the summers
boy: :-)
me: and it wasn't about you anymore (hahahah sorry)
me: i received a blessing tonight
me: which has made my testimony so much stronger
boy: awesome
boy: cool
me: because as soon as he said the key statement about smoking, i felt something leave me
me: it was physical what happened
me: like the nicotine or something leaving me
boy: awesome
me: it was spiritual as well obviously
boy: right
me: but also a physical rushing, like someone was pulling something downward out of me
boy: cool
me: i'm so blessed
boy: very cool experience....write that down
me: hahaha, i need to, all these experiences that i have been fortunate to have i might forget one
boy: yeah, you will, write them down
boy: or you'll be mad one day
me: well you go to sleep hunny, get some rest so your head feels better
boy: thanks
me: i'm off to go fantasize about my kids
boy: thanks for being you
me: hehehehe
boy: haha
me: thank you for being you too
me: you're a 10
me: :-P
boy: you're an 11
me: stop it i'm crying
me: hehehe
me: good night, i love you
boy: dork
boy: I love you too
boy: goodnight

*sigh* that's the one i don't talk to anymore, well just not very often. sad. what's also sad is how i'm not that strong anymore. i felt POSITIVE i wasn't going to mess up again, i couldn't even imagine doing it then, i wanted to be good so bad. now i've messed up a bunch of times. satan knows i'm weak, he's really working on me. ok now all my non-member readers think i'm COMPLETELY insane, hehehehe. don't worry, as my friend amy said (at my baptism too in front of a bunch of members, it was HILARIOUS) it's not like i'm drinking the kool-aid. HAHAHAH i about snorted my drink. here's a picture of my 2 non-member friends who i still talk to and who are SO supportive and came to my baptism, me, my sister, and boy.

that was such a good day. afterwards my family and boy went out to eat at this really fancy restaurant to celebrate. then that night we went swing dancing, heheheh we kinda sucked but it was fun. i'll never forget that day. best day of my life, hands down. what has happened to me?

prettttyyyyyy ;)

2005-06-15T19:36:00.000-04:00

i am so ridiculous. it is 7:30 at night and i just got out of the shower and am sitting here in my robe looking at wedding dresses again. either i am wistful or i'm out to prove what this weekend has got me thinking about: is it possible to have a wedding just as cool as my cousin's was while fitting mormon standards as well. i think this dress proves that it is possible! hurrah! take that immodesty!

on another note, i think i might have hit an all time high for improductivity today. i woke up at 11:15 and went "huh. my class just ended." oops. then i stayed in bed and talked online until my interview at 1, came back and resumed my position in bed. all i have consumed today is a granola bar and a quarter carton of ice cream, both in bed. and now it is night time and i have applied to a single job or done any of my homework for tomorrow. although i did read my scriptures for 15 minutes. that means 15 more and i'm set. by bare minimum standards. i didn't exercise, i didn't clean my room, and i am still unemployed.

i have these weird spots on my neck. there's two on one side (as pictured) and one on the other. they are kinda raised and itchy. at first i thought they were hickeys (heheheehehhe it's possible) but the boy assures that they aren't. plus there aren't any broken capilaries or red flecks of blood as far as i can tell. i think i might be allergic to something.

or it could just be the heat. it is OPRESSIVELY hot outside. can't breathe its so humid. gross. maybe that's why i am so unproductive, i want to stay in bed all day.

btw: all you single boys out there: i'm not getting married. i'm not even in a relationship! and i promise i'm not crazy. and those aren't hickeys. so call me! hheheheeheheh

pics from my cousin's wedding

2005-06-14T23:20:00.000-04:00

me, all dolled up

at the rehearsal with my daddy

bein silly with my ma at the rehearsal dinner

my sis looked so pretty at the wedding

my puppy dog!

ok so that's not me. nor was it the bride. but i got to thinking about mormon appropriate wedding dresses and searched online. and i thought this one was way pretty. is that creepy? that i looked at wedding dresses and i don't even have a boyfriend? i don't care. i like the flowers in her hair.

discuss amongst yourselves: booze at a half-mormon wedding? say i marry some guy who's like entire extended family is mormon. and no one in my family is. but my extended family is all gonna come. and i'm gonna have a night reception, like a big one, not one of the typical wimpy lunchtime mormon ones that lasts for 2 hours so the bride and groom can get up out of there and into the bedroom faster. i want a full dinner, toasts, father-daughter dance, throw the bouquet, a bazillion people, sa-weeeet band, boogy the night away, party you'll never forget reception. but can i make it dry? mormon in-laws might be uncomfortable with people drinking. my family might feel like i'm forcing my beliefs on them. or feel like they gotta sneak around with the alcohol. i dunno. i'm thinking dry. i'll write that on the invitation and if they can't handle it they just won't come. what do you think?

wedding

2005-06-13T12:03:00.000-04:00

ok i talked to the bish last thursday and i'm feeling better about everything. i'm feeling pumped. i can do this. I CAN. and i will. i'm gonna mess up sometimes i know but i have a lot of hope that i can overcome this.

went to my cousins wedding this weekend. was in a weird mood the whole time. i dunno why. i guess i just kept thinking about the fact that i am NOWHERE near being married and it was kinda depressing. plus like everyone there was real skinny, all her friends and family and my family are skinny and i felt like a hippo. blegh. i compare myself too much to other people but i can't help it. now that i'm back home and away from my family, who talks about dieting and calories constantly, i'm feeling better about myself. back to where i was before which was "i look like this and that's that, everyone else can get over it, i'm hot." at least that's what i tell myself.

smoked a cigarette at the reception. not the whole thing. i bummed it off someone and then sneaked outside and took one puff and felt bad and put it out. it didn't even taste that good. i just looked at it and was like "this isn't worth it." that always happens. i build it up in my head over time and there are these moments when i just feel like i HAVE to have one, not out of addiction but out of habit, something to do. most of the time i am able to resist and occupy myself doing something else, but then after a while i crack, take one puff and think "this is dumb" and put it out. i also read some semi-racy novels on the plane. but i couldn't really enjoy them too much cuz i was always afraid the old guy sitting next to me and totally hogging the armrest would glance over and see something like "she had never felt this way before. he kept massaging her...." and be like WTF. plus i just felt guilty in general the whole time. but i DID read all of corinthians on the way there so i felt good about that.

still no job. blegh. no one called me back! then i left for the weekend. so today i am calling back. and being like HEY- HIRE ME. still working on resumes/cover letters/writing samples/blah blahblah. so boring. i just want it to be over with. this post is boring. i'll post something interesting later on today. right now i need a nap. not taking these steroid pills that made me hyper anymore, and i have no energy. i was taking them cuz i woke up one morning last week and my right cheek was all swollen up. that was fun.

:-(

2005-06-08T20:08:00.000-04:00

i might as well change the title explanation of my blog to "surviving myself while transitioning to life as a mormon" cuz the new culture is not the thing that is baffling me right now. i am. i mean what the crap is wrong with me???? its like physically half of me wants to do the right thing and the other half doesn't. therefore 50% of the time i do the wrong thing. and now that i think about it, i think it's more than 50%. and when i say the wrong thing i am refering to chastity. i'm rocking no-smoking's face off and i'm not secretly tasting coffee at work anymore. i was doing better at some other stuff, i mean i'm not perfect and i don't expect myself to be, but i just can't seem to let go of the sexual stuff. when put in the situation i crack, just like the brownies i just burnt (that pan was SO bigger than 13x9). so i tried the whole "lets not even put myself in those situations cuz i know whats gonna happen," but i just made excuses and put myself in those situations anyways because it's like i kinda sorta still want to do that stuff! arg! but then again i don't! arg! i sound like a pirate! arg! and i kinda know why i still want it, and it's not for the right reasons. i mean there are the obvious "it feels good" reasons, but then there are underlying lack of self-esteem reasons and other stuff. so now i don't know what to do. i need mormon bootcamp. does that exist? someplace where i can dissapear for like 6 months and they make me do all this crazy stuff, and i come back being all different. changed. strong.

made mucho progresss on the job-search today. emailed my top job pick in DC, i will send a written copy if i don't hear back in a week. ALSO, interviewed at Aldo, a shoe store in the mall for a job right now, and afterwards she was like "well i'll call your references and if i can get in touch with them, i'll call you back today." dang! that is fast. must mean she likes me, right? well so she calls back and says she can't reach any of my references. and the managers have changed at one of them and they can't remember me. >:-o so she called back and i gave her some different people. hopefully she can get in touch with them and will call me back tonight or tomorrow and i will be EMPLOYED!!!! erm, well that is kinda jumping the gun. but hey, that's kinda my style.

okay, roomates old ax new boyfriend is having a coughing fit out there. sounds like he swallowed something wrong. heh. i don't understand her. HE IS LIKE 40. SHE IS LIKE 26. and it's not like he's tres hot to make up for it, cuz i mean c'mon if tom cruise were into you, you know you'd hit it. heheheheh jk. i mean hit it in the most erm, platonic sense of the word. you know like that britney spears song "hit me baby one more time." hehehehehe *winkwink*

in major need of some major chastity pep talks. press this herrrre button that says comments and leave me some love ---->

lingerie and "the excellent wife"

2005-06-06T21:27:00.000-04:00

on sunday i begrudgingly went to a lingerie party for my dad's boss's daughter who is getting married. our families are friends, but she has never been that friendly to me even though we are the same age. only my mom and i were invited, and my mom said she had to go and she didn't want to go alone, so i promised i would go with her. it was the strangest experience i've ever had in my life. 20 women, ranging from age 16 to well above 60, sitting in a circle with a pile of presents in the middle, watching this girl open up underwear. what made it the most strange was the fact that the hostess, after everyone introduced themself and said something the girl should not forget to bring on her honeymoon that begins with the first letter of their name ("i'm vicky and don't forget your vagina!" no kidding, she said that, i was thinking a little hard to leave behind), but anyways the hostess said "before you open your gifts we have something to discuss" and began to read 18 things which a good wife is out of the book "the excellent wife" (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1885904088/qid=1118107721/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/104-6798471-2499144). by the way half of these ladies went to the same HUGE AX baptist church in raleigh. about 6 of the girls roomates were there from her house, all dressed in their pajamas. the rest of the party included the mother in law, sisters in law, and grandma in law. WEIRD. the grandma gave a very nice white and pink bra and panty set, unlike the hostess who gave crotchless panties in seriously size XXXL (this girl is a small at victorias secret) and a man thong. EW EW EW EW. now i am not one to be easily scandalized, and really there was nothing about this party that was scandalous to me, it was just awkward. and juxtapositional. i mean a baptist lady talking to us about how we should submit to our husbands and ask them each morning what their goals for the week were and then make it our purpose to help him accomplish those goals should not be giving her a man-thong! weird! am i wrong? i don't think so. i'm not gonna spend this blog going on and on about how i think the baptists are wrong, but i just couldn't wrap my brain around this party. when we left, my mom, who isn't lds, told me how she didn't like how practically ever other sentence these ladies said was in some reference back to God, like how the musician that they wanted at the wedding who couldn't come and now can shows how much God wants this to be a beautiful wedding. i mean c'mon, God has better things to worry about than the musicians at the wedding. my mom and i picked out a very nice, COTTON tank top and pants, with a crotch thank you, from victorias secret, that were soft as butter and i bet she will still be wearing them in 5 years. unlike all the thongy, lacy, black, see-through other stuff she got. if someone ever throws me a lingerie party i hope i get stuff that i will actually use. (plus, i like to buy useless lingerie for retail therapy heheheh).

the above story could have been written better. but i don't give a crap. i've been trying to be so perfect so much lately, on applications and cover letters and resume that i am really enjoying writing something really poorly. in fact i don't think i will even go back and read this before i publish. still no job. still out of money. still borrowing from my parents. but i have hope. and that makes me happy ;)

100 hour board

2005-05-31T11:42:00.000-04:00

i posted on the board a while ago and forgot to check if they answered. they did! wooohoooo! here it is:

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=14990

OH! and good news! my roomate broke up with her boyfriend! WOOHOOOOOOO! heheheh i'm evil. but there is a new guy she hangs out with now. he hasn't stayed the night yet though, so that is good. especially since the girl who i was gonna move in with possibly before decided she just wants to live alone for a while. but things are working out, yay!

baseball

2005-05-30T22:55:00.000-04:00

thursday i went to a durham bull's game with my friend amy. it was fun times all around. i got to watch athletic guys run around and squat in tight pants. and get dirty heheheehhe. i didn't get to kick her ex in the balls though. sadness. we decided to take a different approach than physical violence, we just ignored him. except for the occasional sideways glance to laugh at him because he had peanut shells stuck to his butt ;)

there was this extremely tiny child sitting in front of us who consumed more food than her entire body-weight. i kept looking down and she'd be eating something different. nachos, then popcorn, then cotton candy, then hot dog, then snowcone. it was ridiculous. and highly amusing. and she kept turning around to see what we were laughing at and gave us what amy appropriately deemed the "b**ch what?" face.

as promised i have included a picture of double-fisted hotdog consumption.

dogs! two-fisted!

and because i love you and it's been a while since i posted, i'll throw in one of me and the funnel cake. well, what remained of it. after taking this picture i licked the plate clean of all powdered sugar. i was lost in the sensation for 10 minutes while eating that thing. fresh out of the oil. SOOOO GOOOOD.

mmmm funnel cake

nothing else exciting has happened. i played laser tag. i didn't come in last but i sucked pretty bad. i kept getting shot and not knowing where it was coming from. it was frustrating hehehehe but i had fun running around and feeling mischevious. (insert james bond music here) dun dun, dun DUN, dun dun, dun dun

DOO DOO DOOOOOOOO
DOO DOO DOOOOOOOOO...

heheeh ok i'll stop. i finished my resume today. i think i said that in the last post or something, but that was a false alarm. the parents had a few more suggestions. i'm kinda grateful cuz i really have no idea what i'm doing. but it was really stressful sitting down with them and having my work torn apart and being told what to do. hopefully in 2 months i will be self-sufficient. until then they still get to have a say in stuff :) i luv you daddy!

to-do list this week:
go to class, homework, the usual
call guy my dad met at this work party who has connections in DC
write cover letter(s), make copies of that and resume, email and mail them
email DC relief society president or housing person or something and see if anyone has a room
interview at Gap on thurs
maybe call nanny jobs, in case i don't get job at Gap, i dunno i can't decide. i dont' want to take a nanny job and then get the job at gap. cuz i want the discount heheheheh.
not talk online so much
singles dance friday night? hmmmm maybe not worth it. although the love of my life could show up and sweep me off my feet. HEHEHEHEHE yeah right
fast, read scriptures more
exercise- more than just walking to my car hehehehe (i'm in the running for laziest human being on earth)

responsibility

2005-05-25T22:09:00.000-04:00

whenever i start writing a post i always feel like there is nothing to write about. 5 paragraphs later i realize i had a lot to write about. yeah, well today ain't one of those days. nuthin very interesting that i'm allowed to write about has happened, my mom told me my dad reads my blog now and that's how he found out about the 150 bucks in fees. OOPSIE. SORRY DADDY. i'm so irresponsible sometimes. i think maybe i have this inner fear of trying to be responsible and then failing, meaning i'm bad at being responsible. and so i just don't even try. like with work. hah, well when i had a job. i tried to be responsible. and i failed. now i'm being really slow about finding a new job, secretly i don't think i want one cuz i don't wanna lose it again. that sucked a big one, losing my job. and i know why it happened now. i realized that i had prayed for help finding a job so i could pay tithes. i remember that being really important for me, aone of the main reasons i wanted a job and took such a crappy one so i could start making money and paying tithes. but because i had forgot to pay my tithing a couple times that blessing was taken away from me, i deserved it. i kept forgeting to bring my checkbook to church. and then when i remembered to bring it i couldn't write a check cuz i was at risk of overdrawing my account cuz i had to use all the money i had made to pay for overdraft fees. GRRRR. next time i get a job i'm writing the tithing check IMMEDIATELY after getting paid and ripping it out and putting it in my scriptures. that should help. got any other suggestions? i guess keeping track of my expenses other than guestimation and checking them online would help too, hmmmm.

not only do i need a job now, but i need one for in 2 months when i graduate. anyone work in public health or non-profit that wants to give me a job? it can be the crappiest secretary job you got, i can make a mean cup of coffee. and i can weild a copy machine like a pro. heheheh that would rock my face off if i got a job through my blog. but yeah, not gonna happen. i need to tackle the disaster which is my resume, make a zillion copies and send them to all the places i'd even consider working. it just seems way more appealing to come home after class and get back in bed though. *sigh*

lesson learned this week: me and talking online with boys doesn't mix. period. i'm going to have to become better friends with my cell phone. it's so pretty and i like taking pictures with it. but actually using it to call people is not my thing. grrrrr. so for all the people i used to talk online with, if i'm not on very much anymore it's because i am avoiding you. HA just kidding. no it means i am forcing myself to actually leave the cozy cocoon of my room and my beloved laptop and emerge, blinking from the blinding sunlight, into the real world. either that, or i'm watching hours upon hours of b-movies on hbo. probably the second one.

tomorrow amy said i get to "accidentaly" kick this guy in the balls, i'm excited. i'll let ya know how it goes. plus it's dollar hotdog night at the durham bulls game! WOOT. i'm going to ignore the nagging voice of my mother in the back of my mind, breach all known rules of etiquette and eat two-fisted. i can't wait ;)

2005-05-23T16:09:00.000-04:00

from left, me, my mom, my sister. arent' we hott?

nevermind

2005-05-23T16:01:00.000-04:00

nevermind about the making out question. no one was responding anyways, and i figured the answer out by myself. the correct amount of making out is no making out. always comes back to bite you in the butt, well at least when you are a member of my church. i need to learn to listen to the general authorities more instead of looking at what all my peers are doing, or say they are doing.

take that, soap scum

2005-05-21T22:00:00.000-04:00

i cleaned our bathroom yesterday. i'm thinking my roomate never cleaned it since moving in 4 years ago. it was ridiculous, it took me an hour and over half a bottle of X-14. it still wasn't completely clean in the shower, but i couldn't scrub anymore. at least it's cleaner than it was before. like no visible dirt on the floor. ew.

i went running one day this week. it's the first time in over a year that i've gone running. afterwards my legs were like "huh that felt good to work up a sweat" but my lungs were like "WE'RE DYIIIINNNG!!!" not fun. that's what happens when you smoked for a year. i haven't gone running again yet. i'm getting exercise another way though, i'm not supposed to say how. let's just say my legs are sore. hehehehehe

got the results back from the doctor. she says i am so tired all the time cuz i probably was re-exposed to the epstein-barr virus (the one that causes mono). i had mono last summer. apparently if you are re-exposed you don't get the sore throat thing but you get the tired thing. fun times. her advice? sleep a lot and wait a few months. gee thanks doc. i'm almost anemic too so now i gotta take these iron pills which give me major cramps. feels like i'm pmsing every week of the month. HURRAY

stealing the idea from brian (http://webbkid.blogspot.com) i think i need a paintball gun for everytime one of my roomates cats jumps on me or a friend while sitting on the couch. the clean up would not be pretty, but i think they might actually learn to stop doing it. one of these days i'm gonna just lose it. hopefully my roomate won't be home. i'll say they ran away.

ok so i want lot's of comments here. cuz i need advice. what are the boundaries for acceptable mormon making out? cuz i think i'm interpreting them a little too liberally. i've read you aren't supposed to lie down next to them or french kiss. but then i hear of people who were like "yeah we made out for hours" and i'm thinkin 'well what were they doing if you can't french kiss or lie down?' enlighten me please.

goals for this upcoming week: 10 hours of sleep a night, 30 minutes scripture reading a day, not forgetting to pray in the morning until i'm driving down the road eating breakfast
goals for all the time: quit daydreaming about innapropriate stuff. heck, i'll just say it, quit daydreaming about sex. my mind needs spring cleaning.

je ne parle pas francais

2005-05-18T16:34:00.000-04:00

new haircuts are fun!

ok i will be serious

i got my haircut today. as you can see. i think i like it. the verdict was out for a little while. i mean, she did exactly what i told her to. but i was unsure if i liked what i told her to do for a little bit. but now i think i'm cool. i splurged and got new shampoo and conditioner too, the expensive kind. it was 9 bucks a bottle. and that was the cheapest kind they had. but it's aveda which makes my hair look SA-WEET and it smells like mint. mmmmmm. totally worth 18 bucks total, don't even try and tell me i'm wrong.

i can't speak french. the pronunciation makes no sense. there are no rules! it's just like "you pronounce it like that because that's how the language gods say it should be pronounced." my teacher actually said that. my mouth hurts after class from holding my lips in an 'O' the whole time. i wish they offered beginning french for people who already speak a second language instead of just french 1. because the way they are teaching it is for people who don't know a second language. not very straightforward. for me, language is about memorization of rules and vocabulary. and then practice practice practice. but here they are teaching us by just speaking real fast in french and we have to figure it out. and there is never a time when she writes translations or describes rules. we just have to figure it out. like with time. she will pick someone in the class and talk in french at them. they have to somehow figure out she is asking what time it is. and then they have to look in their book at the examples, not the rules cuz there are no rules in the book, but figure out in like 5 seconds what the answer is and then stumble it out at the teacher in our horrible american accents. and more than likely they are wrong, so she will correct them and go on to her next victim. this goes on for like, almost every person in the class. the people who get asked last are lucky cuz they can listen to the first few people and learn. this type of teaching makes no sense to me. especially when we have a month to learn a semesters worth of material.

ok i'm done with that rant. let me know what you think of the hair. it's the first time i've cut it short since my experiment. i had chin length hair when i was a senior in hs/freshman in college. my mom always said boys like long hair but i didn't care. so i decided to see if she was right and i grew it out. whatdya know! she was right. i've revolved back to the not caring state again though. well ok i care, but it just takes too long to dry all that hair in the morning. and i needed a change. this post is boring. your FACE is boring. hehehehehehe that joke is always funny to me.

indian fooooooood

2005-05-16T20:58:00.000-04:00

i have no motivation to blog, i think it's because it can't be procrastination. i have nothing to procrastinate from. well summer school starts tomorrow, so i will again have an excuse to blog instead of do my homework. i am only taking one class this session, french 1. my books for just that one class cost 200 bucks. riDICulous. it's gonna be hard i am not looking forward to it. if i get an a in both sessions my gpa will be back above a 3.5. that is my new goal.

i woke up this morning to a gigantic pile of cat-barf on the living room carpet. it was like a trail, a big long streak. full chunks of kitty chow were still in tact. GROSS. and my roomate is still in michigan so i had to clean it up. soooooo nasty. i almost puked myself.

i really have nothing else to say. i had indian food tonight. aloo channa masala. which is indian for friggin-awesome-chick-pea-paste stuff that is soooo spicy. i like chick peas. i also like mango lassis. they are deeeeelishuussss.

camping at the beach

2005-05-14T00:21:00.000-04:00

haven't posted in a while (ha if you call 3 days a while) because i went to the beach with some people from my ward. we went to jacksonville, nc and camped on the marine base there called camp lejune. a couple of my friends were military, so thats how we got on base. it was fun, we slept in tents the first night but the second night it rained so we went back and had a sleepover at one of the girl's house. boys and girls in separate rooms of course, heheeh. no cuddling :( i got really sunburnt at the beach on my forehead and my nose, i look like rudolph now. but the rest of me got tan yay! here are some pics:

mmmmm cheese doodles

yay the beach

cow girly

none of these pictures are of me fyi. i refuse to be photographed in a bathing suit. ok well i'm not that prissy, but i just refuse to post any pictures of me in a bathing suit on my blog. deal with it.

i was woken up one day by this annoying clanging bell noise. at first i thought it was someone's cell phone. then after 5 minutes i thought it was like a wake-up call that was sounded over the entire base. then i realized after like half an hour that it was the noise from the draw-bridge nearby when it goes up. grrrrumble. it was 5am. then all these bombs went off and they was artillary practice so i couldn't sleep anymore. we went to the beach and watched the sun rise.

i didn't know very much about marines or marine bases before i came here, except that i had dated a marine, and mmmmm was he delicious. muscular, tall, tatoos, marine haircut, smoked, bad ass (ok well not delicious according to mormon standards. but i find him rather tastey heheeh). and then i went to a beach full of them and i was in heaven. well kinda. i could look but i couldn't touch. and i felt kinda frumpy. but it was fun. i took a picture of these buildings that amo is stored in, they look like hills i guess so you can't see them from the air. i dunno if i'm divulging military secrets by posting this. that's kinda scary. that would make me a traitor. oh well.

amo storage hills

i got my blood drawn earlier, i think i blogged about that, and i had a huge bruise on my arm from it. then i played beach volleyball and now it's even bigger and grosser. i took a picture:

yucky bruise

ew. not cute. i'm trying to think of some issue i could blog about right now that happened over the past few days that has to deal with being mormon and how i screwed up. i think there was one time when we were talking about crabs (there were these CRAZY huge sea crabs that popped out of the sand and scuttled in front of you and scared the crap outa me when we took a night beach walk). i used the word orgy. i can't remember why, but everyone laughed at me. and as for any other annoyances with boys or other issues which i normally talk about, i'm sick of talking about them for now. i'm tired of analyzing everything. i have no job, no school-work until next week, i'm just gonna read all the fluffy chick books i can and sleep. and maybe go shopping with my mom. heheheh. and her credit card. yay credit cards.

DONE

2005-05-10T00:12:00.000-04:00

i'm finished with this semester. i had 2 exams today and then i came home, stripped, fell into bed, and woke up at 9pm. last night studying was interesting. here's an inside look:

don't wanna study

falling asleep

must stay awake

cereal and diet coke are the substance of life

i got 3 final grades out of 6 classes, so far it's 2 a-'s and a c+. the c+ is in my one class in english which i never went to because it was at 9:30am and my next class wasn't until 12:30pm and my judgement is never very good in the morning. either that or my will power is not very strong. so i'm just happy i passed, a c+ actually kinda rocks. that feels weird though becuase i never got a b in high school and i've never gotten a c in college up until now. not too worried about it. in fact, lets talk about something else.

in my 1st final today it was like part multiple choice, part short answer, identifications, and then a final essay. the multiple choice was all tricky and annoying like the kind that's got like a, b, c, d, e) a, b & d. blegh those kind are nasty bastards. and in the final essay part we were given 2 poems by 2 authors, but he didn't say which author was for which poem. we were supposed to compare them. and i wrote this flippin AWESOME essay except i realized later that i explained how the wrong authors demonstrate each others styles cuz i mixed up who wrote what. DANGIT. a c+ would be nice in that class too.

but oh heck yes, i'm done with this horrid horrid semester. i think i did this a few posts back, but i have since lost my job and things have changed so i am making a new plan for this summer. watch me go...

-figure out why i sleep so much and fix it (if i let myself go i have slept on average 13 hours. that's crazy).
-start running.
-get a job. make money. save.
-pass my classes. heck, go to my classes.
-read the scriptures a lot more.
-get a job for after the summer somewhere that isn't here.

i've realized that i need to be more careful in the movies i watch and the music i listen to. we have hbo so the amount of crap available to me at the touch of a button is outrageous. and i always get sucked into watching these crap movies. and half of them are innapropriate for me to be watching anymore. like tonight i watched the girl next door, about this guys new neighbor being an ex-porn star. why? why? why don't i spend my time doing something better? and i can't help it but i love the song candy shop by 50-cent. if only the words were different. the beat is just sooo SICK. iluvitiluvitiluvitiluvit. alas, i shouldn't listen to it. i have been trying to keep it to a one-a-day type of thing, so as not to poison my spirit too much. but i really should just stop. the best way to do that would be to delete it off my ipod. but do you see me doing that, no. because i am weak. bleggggh. say that out loud it makes things seem better. momentarily.

so what am i listening to that is the hottness AND appropriate? the diary of alicia keys. she is my girl. love it. i need more mo-tab because on sundays i listen to the same 4 songs over and over again. cuz i only have 4. oh an fantasia. i don't have her whole cd so i can't say if the whole thing is clean. but the stuff i have is hott. B-A-B-Y-M-A-M-A. that's my jam. and anything salsa. except people get annoyed listening to it in my car and start whining about not understanding spanish.

i'm going camping this week with people from the ward to jacksonville, nc. i'm trying not to be excited about the fact that we are camping on base. but inside i'm like MARINES!!!! mmmmm. i hold a special place in my heart for marines. except not motorcycle boy. but there is a special place somewhere else for him i'm sure. HAAHAHAH i found out why they went out of town last weekend... because his friend's kid was getting baptised (infant baptism) and he was the godfather. poor kid. he's comin into the world with an immediate disadvantage. my godmother is my aunt who ROCKS and she always send me gifts on my baptism day or a card. she sent me this awesome glazed stone thing that has the word "praise" carved into it. i think you can hang it on the wall. it means a lot though because she always told me to "praise the Lord anyways" no matter what cuz that's what she did when she had trials in her life, like when she had breast cancer. AWESOME STORY: some friends and i drove to florida for spring break and stayed in jacksonville, fla halfway. i knew my aunt was there because my uncle was getting a liver transplant and recovering. i didn't make plans to see her cuz i knew he was real sick and couldn't have many visitors. turns out by chance we were staying at hotels across the street from each other. when i found that out i had to call her, and she said my uncle was having complications and was back in the hospital. she came over and met my friends and we hung out and painted toenails. i could tell she really appreciated the support and the company, because her daughters had just left a couple of days earlier. i felt like a tool of Heavenly Father is reasurring and soothing her. it was so great. my uncle is doing awesome now.

sad

2005-05-08T00:34:00.000-04:00

i got fired. by email. because he changed the schedule after it had been up 4 weeks and i didn't think to look at it the last time i worked. and i thought for the last four weeks that i had this weekend off to study for exams. but i guess at the last minute they changed it. i feel like such a loser. and i need to move but i don't know where. and i need to study but i don't care. hey that rhymes! and i need to not sleep so much but i'm so tired all the time. blegh anybody got any magic pills? if i had the money i'd pay big bucks for some to fix my life.

i am a domestic goddess

2005-05-07T01:41:00.000-04:00

i have a million things to blog about, i hope i remember all of them. sometimes i make notes on napkins and stuff during the day so i don't forget funny jokes and such to put in my blog. but sometimes i think that might be taking it a step too far, heheheh.

so i went to bed last night at 2am and i didn't set an alarm, thinking i'd wake up no later than noon. i woke up at 2:30pm. that's an INSANE amount of sleep. i got no studying done. i'm going to the doctor on tuesday to figure out what the hecks wrong with me.

then i had to go cook dinner for the supposed 9 people. the dinner turned out HOTT, i am a domestic goddess thank you, we made 2 recipes of chicken fajitas with onions and green and red peppers and ALL of it got eaten, everyone said it was really good. i was glowing, hurrah. BUT i was pissed because 4 of those 9 people didn't show up. that left me, my friend maghen, jennifer (the girl i signed up to cook with) and the missionaries. the 3 guys that we had asked to come either forgot, said they were busy, or didn't show. so i had to frantically call around for priesthood holders while sniffling as i cut up onions so we wouldn't have to eat on the porch. after a few tries, lucking one of my home teachers said he would come instead of going to this birthday dinner he was going to. i love him! and then people came out of the woodwork, so i ended up feeding 8 anyways. it was really stressful because we didn't really know what we were doing, but we pulled it off, and only 10 minutes late. i'm so happy!!! and i'm so NOT doing that again.

after ice cream sundaes (fudge magic shell, mmmmmmm) and cleaning up we went over to the friends house for her fondue/birthday party which was after the dinner that my home teacher was going to go to, and like the whole ward was there. after sitting around and watching all the segregated groups of boys and girl chatting for a while, some new guys in the ward showed up, they are here for the summer from idaho and utah selling pesticides door to door. they are pretty cute, so the rest of the time i spent introducing myself and trying to look sexy while dipping strawberries in chocolate and licking the chocolate off, hehehehe. so typically me.

then a bunch of us went to the singles dance in raleigh that they have every first friday of the month. and i had a rotten time because no boys asked me to dance. i know that sounds pathetic but it is true. i mean when 2 girls and 2 guys are kinda fast dancing in a circle and then a slow song comes on, isn't obvious that they should pair off??? apparently not because the guys just stood there scuffing their feet until this third-party girl asked one of the guys to dance, and then the girl i was dancing with was like "you're on your own" and asked the other guy to dance and i went and sat on the wall. this was the general gist of the night, the girls having to ask the guys to dance or the guys picking other girls to dance with. so i sat on the side and felt rather miserable most of the time because friggin AFTER EVERY 2 FAST SONGS THEY'D PLAY 3 SLOW SONGS. sooooo annoying. i should have just asked someone to dance but i was trying to not care and to not "subsidize freeloaders" as elder oaks said. blegh. in the end i just feel unpretty. i'm such a loser i have no self-confidence. BUT i did shake my groove thang pretty hard during the fast songs, which is always enjoyable.

anyways, when i woke up today motorcycle boy was already here, and they were packing up his truck because they were going out of town. but they just COULDN'T WAIT and were going at it for what seems like forever while i was eating breakfast/lunch. i could tell my roomate was trying to be quieter since i talked to her, but she just sounded like she was strangling. ewwwwwwwww

so i decided my blog has been pretty boring lately cuz there were no pictures. so here are some old pics from when i was in spain last semester. enjoy.

in spain with some missionaries, and this crazy lady jumped in the picture

the lady i lived with in (my senora), Carmen. she made me eat fish and gain like 20 pounds. but we'd always watch movies that were horribly dubbed in spanish and smoke together at night, she was awesome (i know i know, this was before i quit).

in Valencia, there is a huge playground that looks like Gulliver from Gulliver's travels, and all the kids playing on it look like lilliputians. don't have any idea of what i'm talking about? don't worry, it's just jonathon swift, you aren't missing out on anything.

in the gardens at La Alambra, Granada with friends. look there are palm trees! the climate there was so gorgeous

the old military barracks at La Alambra

up on top of La Alambra, aren't i quite the photographer? teehehehe

a view from the distance

my friend heather holding up clothes with sayings in english that don't make any sense. english is "in" there.

ay mi sevilla, que te echo de menos

rants, raves, and other shtuff

2005-05-05T23:32:00.000-04:00

in the spirit of a-dawg's rantings (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=sonarbison) i am going to do some rants of my own... watch me go:

-i hate it when the bottom of my foot itches
-i hate it when i'm about to sneeze and then someone says "bless you" and i can't anymore
-i hate voice-mail messages over 30 seconds that just go on and on and ON
-i hate waking up in the morning
-i hate when motorcycle boy comes over
-i hate taking out the trash and doing dishes... therefore i just don't do either until vitally necessary
-i hate when people are outa control, like mad or sad, and i can't do anything to make it better
-i hate when people tell me they were GONNA comment on my blog but didn't

ok so now on to things i love... watch me go:

-i love a warm hoodie just outa the dryer
-i love it when i go home and my mom scratches my back for old times sake
-i love tickle fights
-i love that slow kiss after the tickle fight
-i love kisses. period.
-i love taking a nap with my puppy... she gives especially good kisses
-i love braiding my sisters hair
-i love my bed
-i love when people tell me they read my blog, even though they didn't comment (*grumble*)
-i love THE CHURCH!!!!

ok that was cheesy. but i am officially a dweeb according to amy so i'm allowed to be cheesy. so what's new with me... i'm feeding the missionaries with another girl in the ward tomorrow. it changed from the four of us and a priesthood holder to 8 people. i don't think i've ever cooked for anyone other than me before so this should be interesting. we are making fajitas in the spirit of cinco de mayo and ice cream sundaes. i will let ya know how it goes. hopefully there will be enough, but my budget couldn't buy much more. i was told that i should ask these other people who aren't the missionaries to bring something, like lettuce or sour cream or salsa. apparently among mormon circles it's kinda expected that you bring something. but then i talked to the girl i'm cooking with and she said that no, you don't ask people to bring stuff, that since we are feeding the missionaries we gotta provide all the stuff. i dunno. either way i'm still cooking for all these people. feedback anyone?

oh and i'm looking for my motivation to study, i think someone stole it. have you seen it?

do i complain too much?

2005-05-04T19:11:00.000-04:00

i'm illegally using the laptop at work again. and this time i don't have the excuse that it was "already on." i actually had to push buttons this time to get it to turn on. i'm an evil evil person. perhaps the fact that i am searching for a job justifies it. hmmmm. nope still wrong.

i drank coffee today. not like a big cup of it. but i was trying this drink i made for this girl cuz i couldn't figure out why the recipe made so much. it was gooooooood. caramel and milk and coffee and ice all mixed up in the blender and frothy. mmmmmm. i really am an evil evil person.

so at work today i spilled coffee alllllll over the front of my jeans. not just like "oopsie a dribble of coffee." no. like i had poured an entire pot of coffee into a pitcher, this new kind that we got, which i hate, the lids are rubbery and really hard to get on. will i was wrastling with the lid and pressing really hard on it, the bottom of the pitcher slipped and the whole thing dumped in my lap. burned so friggin bad. now i look like i pooed my pants. lovely.

ok lets thing about happy things. what are some happy things in my life. ummmm. oh heck yes i got a paycheck today. but i haven't paid my tithes in like 3 paychecks because of my financial difficulties. 150 bucks in overdrawn account fines will kick ya in the pants. so i gotta pay tithes. like 2 months worth. and then the rest goes to my mom, who i borrowed 250 bucks from for various other times i withdrew my account. but i have fixed this problem, i called the bank today and told them to put a hold on my account every time it reaches 0. so technically i can only overdraw one time now. or i could just stop being lazy and keep track of my purchases. estimation apparently does not count as keeping trach of my purchases.

more happy things though... ermmmmm. i slept until noon today. and then i ate carrot cake for lunch/breakfast. and i don't have any more exams until monday. and motorcycle boy isn't coming this weekend cuz they are going outa town. WOOT that one makes me really happy. and no, despite what some of my frequent commentators think, i will NOT be walking around in my underwear in front of him because a) a good mormon girl doesn't do that and b) i don't need to encourage any more comparison between me and my perfectly sculpted i-feel-so-icky-if-i-don't-run-everyday roommate.

dead

2005-05-03T10:19:00.000-04:00

i look like death. i just finished my second exam in 24 hours. i don't think i passed the class. i didn't go to it for like a month. and i studied all the wrong stuff. i just needed a 50 on the final to get a C in that class, and it's so embarrasing but i will be really happy if i get that. grrrrrrrrrr only 2 more to go.

i finally talked to my roomate about motorcycle boy. it didn't accomplish anything but i feel better now that i did it. she was eating dinner at watching tv and i went to get a drink and i just said in passing, kinda jokingly, "so i guess jason is gonna be coming every weekend now right" and she looked all sheepish and was like "yeah." and i said "well i don't know if you realize this, but you are really loud when you guys have sex. and i think i was kinda disrespectful that you did it when i had company over, so loudly that we had to leave." and she was all embarrased and sorry and felt bad. and i felt sorta bad for making her feel bad and plus i didn't really want to end the conversation without saying something else so i said "i mean it's fine if he stays over. just please try to be quieter and not when i have a friend over." but now that i think about it, it's not really fine. but i know that no matter what i say he will be coming over every weekend anyways and they will be having sex anyways. which sucks. and if i had said what i really felt to her i would have said "i'm looking for another place to live and if i find one i fully intend to leave you with no roommate and responsibility for paying the full $800 rent." but i didn't say that cuz i am a wuss. blegh. she's going out of town this weekend she says. that will be nice. i can walk around in my underwear again and not worry about them starting up at any given hour of the day or night. at least i have said something now so i can justify complaining about it, heheheheh.

it is 10:30 in the morning and for the first time in a lonnnng time i am going to bed without setting an alarm. so i will probably wake up at like 6 tonight all confused and grumpy. hurrah. i hate that feeling.

dating

2005-05-01T21:42:00.000-04:00

elder oaks is the shizz. not only did he give a hilarious talk but he had his wife speak and now he is my favorite person ever. before tonight's singles fireside i have blogged a few times about dating. i had come to the conclusion that in the real world guys ask girls on dates and in the lds world girls ask guys on dates. either that or you just don't date. after listening to elder oaks, i feel better that i'm not the only one who thought this. if you didn't catch his talk, he basically said that guys need to step up and ask girls on dates, stop just "hanging out" with girls. he said to date often and to not make it such a serious thing, i.e. one date doesn't mean we are getting married. then he said girls need to stop waiting around to get married and to get moving, get an education and advance their careers. our Heavenly Father will take care of us, and if it is meant to be we will get married one day. but don't wait around for that day to come. i feel like this fireside was a direct answer to my prayers and to what i had been fasting about and i am sooo thankful for it. before i began fasting i was feeling very sad that no one in the ward was interested in me and no one was asking me out. the times i did "hang out" with a guy, i had been the one to ask. i am always the one who introduces myself, flirts, asks if he has a screen name, and the first to instant message him, and to suggest that we take a study break and grab dinner. after 3 months of this and getting no real interest from anyone in dating me , except for guys who ocassionally wanted to "hang out" i became pretty disillusioned with the whole dating thing, thinking i was the one doing something wrong. i thought maybe i was the one that needed to do the asking out. but i really sucked at my one attempt to do that. i ended up making him feel like a "sweet spirit" cuz i told him he had a great personality and that he was my favorite in the ward. i was just trying to be more mormon ya know, not always flirting and tickling and all physical like i used to be. i thought that that's what i was doing wrong and i tried to tell someone i wanted to date them by saying that. but now i realize that the way i used to flirt is perfectly fine and i don't have to change anything about me. it's the boys that should be doing the asking. i'm done hanging out after sacrament meeting going up and talking to some guy and trying to say something witty to make him like me. i'm done hanging around after church socializing with people, sideways glancing to see if i can slip into the conversation with some guy. I'M DONE. if someone wants to ask me out, i would probably without a doubt say yes, and my phone number is printed right in the ward directory baby, a whole pile of copies of it sitting on a table at the back of the chapel. it's not that hard. in the meantime i'm gonna stop wasting my time and energy thinking about this and scheming and feeling sorry for myself. i got a plan for my life and i'm going places. if i can't serve my Heavenly Father by getting married and having children, then i will be more than prepared to serve him in all the non-profit work i plan to do in my future. DC, here i come baby!

in other news... i made pesto pasta for the break the fast dinner tonight and it all got eaten, i felt so domestic carrying a pot into the chapel. at first i was like ew domestic-ickiness, but then when everyone ate it i felt a weird sense of pride. i may not ever be a domestic goddess, but i have tendencies dangit heheeheh.

lots of new people who i don't know are in the ward now because they are all coming back for the summer from BYU. this one chick bore her testimony today and actually said "well i know all the smart girls go to BYU, but i am transferring to UNC next semester so i guess i'm taking a step down." i literally had to hold myself back i was so angry. i mean WTF?!?!? if all the smart girls go to BYU, then why are they all majoring in early childhood development or family and marriage???? i agree these are necessary fields of expertise to some extent, but c'mon. we need to be able to teach our children more than just how to make more children.

ok i will get off my soap-box now. elder oaks and his wife kristin rock my sox. this girl in my ward asked me if i'm a dancer cuz i have great legs, she'd always meant to tell me. that about made my flippin year. i'm off to study for my exams and get some edjumacation folks. peace

ANGRY CHRISTINE

2005-04-30T02:24:00.000-04:00

AAAAANNNNDD i've had it. she crossed the line tonight. loud, noisy sex with motorcycle boy while i had company over. i don't think i've ever been so disrespected in my entire life. we had to leave in the middle of it, it was too distracting to even carry on a conversation. then when i came back a couple of hours later she was wrapped from the armpits down in a blanket, curled up on the couch with the boy and said to me all fake cheerfully when i came in "hey! did you have a good night?" i wanted to be like "ACTUALLY i didn't because your loud ass heavy breathing echoing through the apartment forced chris and i to have to leave. you couldn't even let me have company ONE night out of the past 2 months without interupting it! why do i pay 550 bucks every month to live in a filthy, cat-hair-encrusted apartment with basically 2 other people, one of whom doesn't pay rent, only to be harrased by cats and not even respected enough to wait until i go to sleep to get it on!?!?!" alas, i didn't say that. i said "erm it was alright" and then escape to my room. i'm gonna do it, i'm gonna talk to her. i need to move out of here. my spirit dies a little every night i fall asleep with my head under the pillows.

this is how i feel:

on a better note, today was the last day of classes. now i have 4 exams (see insane christine picture). i also fed the missionaries today, it was kinda last-minute cuz i don't think they saw that my friend and i had rescheduled to feed them next friday not this one, but i didn't want to let them go hungry. yaaaay pizza and it's magical properties. yaaaaaay missionaries. yaaaaaaay friday.

emotionchristine

2005-04-28T23:11:00.001-04:00

the paper is done. it is turned in. that was such an ordeal. last night i had to work until 9:30 and then i worked until 5am when i finished 4 pages (out of 8 minimum). but i knew what i was gonna write for the last 4 pages so i said, ok well i will go to bed for like 2 hours and then get up at 7 and finish. next thing i new i woke up and it was 10am. GAHHHHHH. i wrote the last 4 pages in 2 and a half hours and arrived a half hour late to class. but it is done. thank goodness. now i have to read a book and take a quiz on it tomorrow and then 4 final exams. BLAHGSHAGKLJSHJKGHDFHAK

i was having a good hair day so i wanted to take a picture and it turned into 64 pictures. hahahah i'm such a dork. i was trying to do every emotion like emotioneric. http://www.emotioneric.com it's hilarious. at least to the easily amused such as me. i especially like his portrayals of "being born" and "soylent green." soylent green is people!

so in the spirit of emotioneric i am featuring some oh my faves from my little photo shoot, what i shall call emotionchristine. just a peek into what i feel like everyday. enjoy.

content, happy christine. i don't like to smile with my teeth. cuz it makes my cheeks really chubby. my mom hates it but whatever. this is my blog and i can smile with no teeth thanks.

sad christine because no one has left comments on her blog.

insane christine at like 3 in the morning who can't concentrate on writing her paper.

christine when she eats chocolate. mmmmmmmm.

christine when she is day-dreaming about boys and forgets she is alone.

grossed-out christine while trying not to listen to her roomate and motorcycle boy have sex.

speaking of which, tomorrow is friday. meaning motorcycle boy will be coming. i mean i don't know for sure but that's how it's been for a month now. why am i so chicken!!!!!??????

i plucked the flower in my hair out of the flower vase on the centerpiece at institute graduation tonight. i wasn't graduating, i mean this was my first semester of institute. i went for the free food to be honest. it was goodtimes. except when i kept finding frosting on my skin. i finally found the culprit. he shall pay. i am devising a scheme. suggestions would be nice.

SUPERSTARRRR!!!!

2005-04-27T18:07:00.000-04:00

my friend went to see the student production of the rock-opera Jesus Christ Superstar. yeah i'm guessing that's not one you see alot at BYU. she asked me to come but i couldn't cuz i was busy and she said later that it was a good thing i didn't come. apparently pilate was a dominatrix, harod was sniffing cocaine and judas was a girl who looked like asheley simpson. here's a review http://www.dailytarheel.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2005/04/25/426cd894b4d35?in_archive=1

i am at work right now, working actually this time. to make up for the fact that my boss made me pay yesterday i ate an entire cup of gelato. normally i just taste all the new flavors so i can tell people what is good but the chocolate hazlenut was sooooo good, it wasn't completely frozen yet so it was like the texture of moose. mmmmmm.

this is the gelato case. when kids come in they like run and like practically embrace it. its really cute but annoying to clean the fingerprints off.

we are having a bean counting contest among other things for the stores 1 year aniversary. i made whitney stand behind the jar to get some perspective. shes not wearing any shoes cuz she's a bad girl hehehe. the jar is full of coffee beans. i prolly technically am not allowed to enter the contest but i think i'm gonna enter my sister's name or something. how many do ya think are in there?

i prolly am technically also not supposed to be using my boss's laptop. but it's always here they just leave it on standby, soooo easy to just open and check my email. especially when it is slow. like right now. and he never said i couldn't use it. so there. here is another constructive activity that we do at work: practicing the violin

cara plays and i dance. we got less tips though so we stopped. sorry the quality of these pictures suck because they are from my camara phone. i'm too lazy to carry my digital around with me. plus i've dropped it enough already.

just so everyone knows, chris was right and i was wrong. i thought i could just dip my toes and not get wet. but i totally fell in, as chris predicted. the two remaining normal guys that i still talked to online from the online dating thing are now blocked. sadness. oh well.

i didn't go to my first class cuz i hadn't read for our previously announced pop quiz. i guess it's not pop then. hmmm. then i overslept my alarm and woke up at 12:30pm. amy suggested i get this alarm that rolls off the table and hides when it rings so you have to get up and find it to turn it off. i just liked it because it was covered with shag carpet ;) still working on the paper. i have 2 pages done now. hah. six more to go. i got in the groove and then my mom called. and then she called back. and then this guy who was at the place where i smoked last weekend keeps calling me to ask me out. i don't pick up. i don't wanna smoke again. so i didn't get much written. oh well, i will have to finish it tonight.

mmkay gotta go actually do my job. cuz my checking account is officially at 0 dollars. and i owe my mom 30 bucks. cuz a 99 cent charge from itunes.com came in. and i got another late fee. RAAARRRR

cranes

2005-04-26T17:48:00.000-04:00

so i'm at my work right now, not to work but because they have free wireless internet. i'm kinda supposed to be working on that paper. yeah it didn't get turned in today. it became apparent last night after talking to chris online for like 3 hours that it wasn't going to happen. and then i set my alarm for pm instead of am. and i woke up at 2pm today. blarg. but i have set up a schedule for my life which, if followed, will lead to success i think. it used to include my entire life plan, but my friend bryan said that might be a little too ambitious, setting myself up for failure. gee that's never happened to me before. so it just goes to the end of this summer:

today: finish rough draft of paper
tomorrow: go to all 3 of my classes, edit paper, go to work, finish editing. go to sleep by 1
thursday: turn in paper. institute graduation. sleeeeeep
this weekend and the next two weeks: study for exams, rock my exams, visiting teaching
this summer: move to somewhere with less sexual activity in the next room, rock at all my classes, start running, study the gospel like crazy (i consider myself in accelerated mormon 101), find a flipping awesome job for after i graduate.

i always do this, make big lists. lists make me feel better. i may not have finished the paper, but dangit it's on a list. therefore the world is happier place for christine.

when i walked in to my work today i asked my boss jokingly what i could get for free since i'm not working, thinking he would say "whatever you want, come get it yourself." INSTEAD he said i have to pay for everything, informing me that this is a "small business" and what would the other customers think if i was sitting there using the internet without having bought anything. i'm not gonna repeat here what i was calling him in my head. *grumble* here are some pictures of when i was working last saturday and my co-worker cara taught me how to make an origami crane. mine's the one on the left that looks kinda wilted.

cranes!

Cara

happy hands?

my lack of motivation to write this paper is kinda concerning to me. i mean it's gonna get done. but the fact that i will sit here and stare at what i've already written and refuse to make my mind think and put down more into words is disconcerting. i think part of the problem is it is in spanish. i don't think well in spanish. another part of the problem is talking online. that is always a much more appealing offer. also, this paper is on religion, Miguel de Unamuno's beliefs on them. and i quite frankly don't give a hoot what he thought about it. cuz i know the truth. so in brian the git's words "buya." i think we all need to say the word buya more often. and smooter. that's a good one too.

this day was only made better by the fact that i found out i have overdrawn my account 5 times. that means $120 in fines. all for purchases under 5 bucks. grrrr. then bryan bought me a sandwhich cuz he felt bad about me, and i accidentaly dropped half of it on the floor. i ate it anyways.... after eating the other half first and making sure no one around me was aware of the fact that i was eating an egg sandwhich that had fallen on the ground. no one was i think. except bryan. but he promised not to make fun of me. we'll see if he holds that promise hah.

cyber puppy

2005-04-25T14:46:00.000-04:00

i have adopted a virtual puppy, named mister smooter as requested by amy (http://soxinthesouth.blogspot.com). because smooter is a fun word to say. we shall call him smoot for short. isn't he cute? not as cute as my real puppy (see this post: http://lostnfoundnlost.blogspot.com/2005/04/more-pictures-cuz-are-colorful-and.html). but this one at least doesn't get all excited and leak on your leg when he sees you. click on him to make him bark and feed him treats! (why am i so easily amused?)

vigilance is your friend

2005-04-25T01:22:00.000-04:00

today has been such an edifying day, proof of how much my Heavenly Father loves me. At church, the sacrament meeting speakers were exceptional, with the main speaker's talk on vigilance. he said a vulture had taken up residence in his neighborhood and his advice to his small children was "go find the cat" and "don't fall asleep in the hammock," meaning protect those who are dear to you and protect yourself from evil and situations which could lead to sin, because the vulture, or the devil, is always lurking around the corner to catch us when we are not being viligent. well i can say without any doubt that i was caught sleeping in the hammock this weekend. luckily i woke up before the vulture picked me apart completely.

later on today i had a meeting with my home teachers where we discussed the first presidency message for this month (http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,2043-1-2986-1,00.html) about symbols of the church. while the cross may be the symbol of other christian churches, the people, including each and every member of this church, and not the cross are the symbols of the lds church because we believe in a living Christ. this made me realize that i was not a very good or righteous symbol while talking online this weekend with these non-members. i was talking about things i shouldn't have been talking about. hinting at things i shouldn't be hinting about. talking about past sins, and possibly future ones as well. my actions provided them with a very bad symbol of this church, me. a symbol they probably will remember every time the lds church is mentioned in their lives. and the fact that the memory of christine the disobedient mormon will pop into their heads every time they hear the word mormon and they will say "oh, i knew a mormon chick once, she was really a naughty girl" shames me to no end.

then tonight, as i was praying before bed, pleading for forgiveness, waiting for that reassuring calmness that fills my entire body when i KNOW that my sins have been forgiven, i got the overwelming urge to do two things. 1) not just ignore these guys who i talked to, but to send emails to them explaining that i will not be dating at all for a while so as to avoid a situation where i have the opportunity to sin because, as they have witnessed, i am not strong enough to say no to some sins yet. i feel like at least saying sorry is better than nothing. it won't just appease my conscience (which is suffering so much right now every time my cell phone rings and i have to press ignore), but saying sorry will provide a better symbol of our church as well as fulfill the 3rd step of repentence (i think its the third) which is to ask forgiveness of those we have sinned against, may it be ourselves, other people, or God. i think this lack of finality, of confession to them is part of what's keeping me from true repentence. 2) i felt the overwhelming urge to stop praying and hurry up and continue on to what i normally do after i pray before bed, which is read the scriptures, and to come back and pray more after reading. while flipping through to where i last left off in my reading, i felt the urge to instead read James chapter 3, one of my favorite books of the Bible for it's simplicity and clarity. and this is what stuck out to me:

"Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!/And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell./For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:/But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison./Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God./Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be." James 3:5-10

this scripture is especially pertinent to me today because i recieved an email from one of the guys who i had made fun of in my last post which said it was mean of me to make fun of him behind his back. apparently he had checked my blog link in my aol profile before i changed screenames and had saved it, i dunno. i replied that i was sorry and i deleted these comments from the post. i told him in my reply that it wasn't very Christ-like of me to poke fun at him and this scripture in James reminded me more of the power of words. By posting something private on my blog i am making it public knowledge, and i only have the right to post MY private thoughts, not those of others.

ok well i'm going to finish reading and praying and go to bed because tomo i have to write an 8 page paper. yeah, i still haven't started on it. this wasn't the exciting and fabulous post i promised last time, but hey it's educational. you all can learn from my mistakes hahaha. i'm a work in progress, that is for sure.

resolution? kinda

2005-04-24T00:51:00.000-04:00

motorcycle guy is here again *grumble grumble* why didn't i say anything? i wish i could just move out, and not have to even think about bargaining with my roomate. i am currently waiting for a sufficient buffer period of a few minutes in between them finishing having sex and me going to brush my teeth and go to bed. i don't wanna just bust up in there, the bathroom shares a wall with her room. i mean i have every right to, but ew.

so thanks to some of my awesome friends in my ward i am feeling much better about this whole online dating thing that happened. i think i figured out what happened. before i was a member, i had a different approach to the dating scene, i had become pretty good at being the seemingly confident, flirtaceous, leaves-a-lot-to-the-imagination, you-gotta-work-for-it type of gal with a dirty sense of humor. that strategy worked for me. and then i became mormon and the dating scene is soooo different now. the dirty sense of humor defenitely had to go which was a struggle and made for awkward pauses and an inability to comunicate coherently with the opposite sex for like a month. and then everyone already had a girlfriend cuz i was coming in at the middle of the school year, and those who didn't seemed perfectly content at living in their own little worlds, ones where my you-know-you-want-me look and subtle hints were completely at a loss. so then i became lonely i guess and when a bunch of guys started iming me who were interested and i got back into my old flirtaceous groove, i really liked all the attention and my sense of judgement flew out the window. and mind you, this flirtaceous groove from before is all about hinting at breaking certain commandments of which i really had no intention to break. but it felt nice to be desired again. and now i've come to my senses thank goodness (!) and i've prolly hurt some people's feelings which i hate hate hate, which is gonna make the repentence process for this one so much more difficult. but i will suceed i know it and then i will have all this knowledge that i gained from this experience. yay i guess.

well that's luckily over. tempted to attempt to be friends with the normal ones. but i think that would just be a bad idea. i need to focus on my own personal faith and testimony right now. a lil more important than dating. i'm so thankful i finally recognized that. off to bed so i can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for church tomorrow ;)

online dating disaster

2005-04-23T18:09:00.000-04:00

i haven't posted in a couple of days and i wish i could say it was because i was out enjoying the real world and the great weather but i wasn't. i innocently stumbled upon www.match.com and made a profile because it was 5am thurs morn and i didn't want to be writing my paper. i was like "hmmmm 8 page spanish essay on la religion de miguel de unamuno or fill out this fun profile." and filling out profiles about yourself is very therapeautic i will have you know. soul searching. or something like that.

ANYWAYS... i wasn't expecting a response or anything but the next day i was INUNDATED with ims and email. over 700 people looked at my profile in 48 hours! there was a surprisingly large amount of 30-sumthins from new jersey. which is kinda creepy. and a 53-year old guy was one of 47 guys to "wink" at me. full-blown creepy. i saved this really funny conversation, but to my computer at home, i'm at work. i'll post it later. so to make a long story short, i didn't leave my computer for like 2 days straight, i think i led some guys on and then i got scared and deleted my match profile, facebook, and got a new aim sn. unfortunately the conversation always led to sex, and all of them acted as if they could get me to have sex with them even though i told them i was mormon. and to be quite honest, i don't think i'm strong enough yet, if put in that situation, to resist. which is why i shall avoid that situation like the plague. i shall also avoid going to the friends house where i went last night cuz there were ciggarettes :/ i was weak. blarg i disappoint myself so much sometimes.

my professor gave me an extension until tuesday on my paper thank goodness. he hadn't read the email yet so i had to explain in person and he put his hands on my shoulders really hard and said exasperatedly "WHEN will it be ready" and i said "tuesday" and he said ok. phew. his urge to throttle me was palpable. i haven't touched the paper since hehehe.

it was warm and sunny out thursday so the pit preacher was back. the center of campus is called the pit, cuz it's sunken down a couple of steps. and when it's warm he comes and runs his mouth and waves his bible and contradicts himself every 5 minutes. i'm still not quite sure what denomination he is. protestant of some sort. i was sitting on the steps innocently one day eating a sandwhich when he verbally attacked me. he likes to pick people out in the crowd and make examples of them. all i can remember from that day is him waggling his finger at me and calling me a fornicator. i was pissed. luckily i saw the missionaries like right around the corner just chillin sitting on this wall. they calmed me down. heavenly Father was watchin out for me that day heheeh. the pit preacher isn't as bad as these guys who come sometimes with big signs that say YOU MAKE ME SICK and then lists a bunch of people including "power-hungry women" and "mormons and other cults." i bet you don't get that much out at BYU, these guys would get jumped hahaha.

the pit preacher

hehehehe after institute the other night a group of us were talking and somehow the topic of old-school nintendo came up, and i said i had sega but only 2 games, playboy and sonic. and everyone looked at me real funny and then i realized and was like "PAPERBOY I MEAN PAPERBOY" hahhah it was funny, i blushed really hard. freudian slip?

i feel really bad about just disappearing from these people who shared so much with me online. i mean they were all open and honest and sometimes too honest hahah. but i need to focus on my faith right now, so if you are one of those guys reading this SORRY i feel like crap about it. I'm obviously not the right person for anybody right now though cuz i just made a major change in my life and i don't really know what i want right now. dang, i had no idea such a little profile could do so much! well i guess a picture is worth a thousand words.

*sigh* this post is no fun sorry. promise to have a more uplifting one soon.

it's 3:30am... what do you expect

2005-04-21T03:21:00.000-04:00

in approximately 9 hours i will be walking into my spanish class with a sheepish "please-don't-hit-me-mister-scary-professor" look on my face because by then he will have received the email i just wrote him explaining why my final paper won't be ready to turn in. i win the most idealistic award for thinking i could read, understand, and write a coherent 8-page paper in spanish on Miguel de Unamuno in one night. i still have to give a 10 minute presentation though on what my paper is supposed to have said, which is why i'm still awake. i think i'm gonna read just the first 3 chapters of the tragic sense of life, make some flashcards and call it a night hopefully by 6am. but apparently updating my blog is way more important at the moment, so i am updating. i am either ADD, in denial, or suffering from a really severe case of senioritis. or all of the above.

ok so here's where i write about all the mildly interesting things that happened in my life since the last post. except nothing exciting really did happen. i think i am going to stop talking about specific boys on my blog because all the wusses in my ward who don't leave comments come up to me later and ask me who i was talking about. instead i will discuss guys in general. tonight's topic: the arm around you at church. what does that mean? i mean if you are sharing a hymnal, ok. understandable. but if he's just leaning back and rests his arm on the back of your section of the pew? is that just a friendly gesture? does it mean more? or is it just an acceptable way of stretching your arms? i'm unclear.

still haven't confronted the roomate about motorcycle guy. she was talking REALLY loud on the phone with him today. and doing that annoying laugh thing she only does when guys are around. i hope he doesn't come again this weekend, but i guess i can't complain cuz i haven't said anything yet. ARGG but i don't want to!!! it is so easy for me to just go up to guys and be like "what is your screenname?" or "i'm hungry, wanna go to lunch?" or "stop undressing me with your eyes scumbag" but for some reason i cannot get confrontational with girls! bslahgsalk dumb girls, there's lots of rules when it comes to us. and plus i am always snitching food every once in a while from my roomate or letting dishes stack up in my room for weeks, so i guess i kinda feel like i deserve this punishment, or i have no right to ask her not to have him stay here. worse comes to worse, i can camp out on a friends couch for the night.

*yawn* i am tired. gotta go read. blogging is like therapy. you sit there and pour out your heart to a total stranger. and they never really say anything that profound or even helpful, but just telling them makes it all seem better. *yawn* really going now. for real. bye.

the great wall of cake

2005-04-20T14:35:00.000-04:00

went out to eat with some friends last night and ate half of this piece of cake at pf changs. that's 3 layers. 900 calories. and 45 grams of fat. for just half a piece of cake. i ate it in under 3 minutes too, i was like a crazy woman in desperate need of chocolate comfort. that's what the last week of school will do to a girl. fragile mental state my friends.

the great wall of cake

i now have 22 hours to read 200 pages and write an 8-page paper in spanish. plus i have to go to work. but i am superwoman. here i go to save the day.

incohesive random thoughts

2005-04-19T00:06:00.000-04:00

yay i love people in my ward. they always surprise me at how similar they are to me. i think when i first joined the church i placed everyone here on a pedestal and viewed myself as so unlike them. but then one of them will make a joke about phone sex and i feel so much better about myself. i am weird.

i think i set a personal record for this semester today for the most hours spent out of bed. 15. i mean, i've defenitely pulled all nighters, but at some point i've always gotten into bed to study or read or nap. i like my bed, i got it in january when i came back from studying abroad. after spending 4 months on a less-than-twin-size collapsable bed, which if you rolled too far to one side it would tip over, i was ready for something new. i bought my first double platform bed with a pillow-top mattress. my grades are in the crapper but i sleep sooooooo well.

still haven't got up the gumption to confront my roomate about motorcycle guy. i even emptied the dishwasher, normally i would resort to passive-agressive tactics such as not taking the trash out for months or hoarding all the spoons. my mom keeps calling and giving me pep-talks, but i just really hate confrontation. BLAHSAHG i'll do it tomorrow. Ellen says "procrastination is not the problem, it is the solution." amen.

went to FHE tonight. kept looking up during the song and seeing this one guy looking at me. this is the same guy who while ice skating told me he had wanted to talk to me all night but hadn't had the chance, and then we sorta held hands for a while. SORT OF. and then tonight i asked him to give me a ride to the library from FHE, and he was so busy asking me questions he accidentally passed it. heheheh too cute. but he's kinda the ward "player" so i dunno. dumb boys, why can't they just be direct.

totally proud of myself because i ran into an old friend today and he lit up right in front of me and i resisted. last time i ran into him i didn't resist. but this time i did. WHOOHOO, you know what that is called? growth. i've had to pretty much stop talking to all but 2 of my old friends in order to keep myself out of tempting situations. it's been sad, but i know it will be worth it in the end. oh, AND the jewish campus group was having this fair on campus today complete with a friggin hookah tent, and i resisted that too. rock. i am spartacus.

ok, random stuff that not many people know about me:

my middle name is averill
i was on unc's bhangra dance team (like the only white girl)
i was valedictorian of my high school
i still have a blanky (hey! it smells like home)
i can't whistle
i worked 2 summers at Cedar Point, an amusement park in Ohio
i rode the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the world 6 times
i can roll my tongue, ripple it, and turn it sideways both ways (girl in ward, sarcastically: "so do you do that at job interviews?" me, tongue in cheek: "no only on first dates" boys: guffaw guffaw, me: red cheeks)
first kiss: 18
perfume i wear: curious by titney spears (but only cuz it smells good)
longest relationship: 2 weeks

my sister's prom

2005-04-17T00:32:00.000-04:00

my sister went to prom tonight and then called later on to inform my mom that 10 people were coming over at 5am to eat breakfast at our house. luckily my mom is the coolest person on earth and said "SURE!!" and went out and bought a bunch of breakfast food. my sis (she has a name i should probably use it), Anne, wore this absolutely GORGEOUS 100% silk emerald green dress that gathered in the back and i am so proud that i am related to someone so beautiful that i am posting some pictures. me and this gorgeous creature share the same parents, can ya believe it???? and although i may be the dorky, slightly frumpy older sister, i hold my position with pride ;)

my sister and my mom

my sis and her boyfriend ryan

tonight i went to dinner and a movie with some girl friends. we waited an hour to sit down and were in and out of the restaurant in 20 minutes, INCLUDING dessert. i practically inhaled my food. while waiting for the check, a spontaneous rendition of the Door's Touch me broke out, and while in the bathroom we had a toilet paper war underneath the stalls. we then sunk 2 bucks into the claw game at the movie theater and came out empty-handed. the kid after us was very close, i cheered him on, but he didn't win anything. RIGGED I TELL YA. and the movie-theater had it's own biosphere goin on it was so big, there was defenitely a drafty breeze every once in a while. but all in all it was a great night, until i came home. every time i changed the channel and the sound on the tv would cut out i would hear all this heavy breathing, and my roomate especially was very loud. i mean, COMMON CURTESY PEOPLE! it's not like i walked in on it and it was already happening, i came home and must have woke them up because 20 minutes later they were going at it. they had ALL NIGHT to do whatever the heck they wanted and they waited until i got home. GRRR. i feel icky. very icky. going to try and go read some scriptures and go to sleep. please leave comments, they make me happy, like this-> :)

motorcycle guy

2005-04-16T12:29:00.000-04:00

last night i went ice skating for this girl in our ward's birthday at this place that is near where my parents live, like 30 minutes from my apartment. i had to stop by home to pick up some stuff after, and i ended up staying the night. me and my sister had a sleepover in her bed. she's a junior in high school, today is prom i will have pictures later tonight. ANYWAYS she squished me in between the window sill and her and stole all the covers and kept talking in her sleep. i slept like crap. she kept mumbling incoherently and i'd wake up and ask her "what??" and she got all indignant and tell me "i was talking to DAD." then this morning we found out that we both dreamed that our dad told us our fly was down. WEIRD. must be a big sis/lil sis thing.

so this morning i drove home all sleepy-eyed to find that FLIPPIN MOTORCYCLE GUY IS SPENDING THE WEEKEND HERE AGAIN, GRRRRRRRRAAAHHH!!! i think i even made that noise too. or a desperate NOOOOOO when i drove into our apartment complex and saw his stupid bike with his stupid helmet with all these derogatory womanizing stickers on it (aka "i like my women a little trashy"). this is the third weekend he has spent at our apartment, he's a marine from camp lejune that my roomate is dating. dating? i guess that's what you would call it. she has gone out with other guys though during the week so i am unclear. this whole living situation kinda sucked from the beginning. i was in spain and needed a place to live when i got back, and i sooo didn't want to live in a dorm again. so i called some roomate ads and got a place with her, she is like 25 i think, in nursing school. what she failed to mention to me was the fact that she was getting a divorce and kicking her husband out for cheating on her, and i would be living in his old room. AWKWAAAARD. and it turns out her ex-husband works with this guy in my ward who asked me on a date. AWKWAAAARD SQUARED. also, she has 2 cats who are the devils spawn. one of them peed on my new mattress twice this year, and the other one is real needy and follows you around and claws your leg until you pet it. they wait outside me door and scratch and whine, waiting for me to leave and then when i unsuspectingly open the door to leave, they BOLT in and refuse to leave and hide from me and make me late for class. and my roomate isn't a church member, which is fine, except she is always having guys over to spend what my friend kyle calls "quality time" together. and this makes it very difficult to focus on scripture reading and prayer before bed, but more importantly it makes it very difficult to take a crap because the bathroom shares a wall with her room. and now motorcycle guy has been staying for the weekends and it just makes for difficulties in all areas. for instance, i feel weird walking from the bathroom to my room in a towel and i knock over at least 3 bottles every time i take a shower because there is so much stuff in there (he has a loofah, what is that???) and i can't walk around in my pajamas (aka no bra) anymore. BOOOO. i want him to leave.

so i guess the consensus from my last post on the boy in my ward who is flirting with me is to "ignore him, he probably is just a flirty person." well dang, that's an ego booster. i told him i'd play frisbee with him like an hour ago and i still haven't showed up.

oh, and one more thing. ice skating is a couples sport apparently. because no one really wants to skate around in circles by themselves. or worse yet, skate around in circles by themselves watching OTHER couples hold hands and spin around in circles together and skate under each others legs, and fall down playfully, and play tag, AND DID I MENTION HOLD HANDS???? MAN we might as well call our ward the couples ward, cuz there are only a few of us single folks left. how did i miss that boat? and to all you coupled people in my ward reading this, i have nothing against y'all as people i am just jealous. and it's not a "thou shalt not covet thy neighbors boyfriend" thing, it's more like a "thou shalt not covet coupledom, aka the wonderfulness that is being part of a couple." because it's not like i have a raging crush on anyone, i just want attention. hah, how whiny is that?

to flirt or not to flirt

2005-04-15T00:29:00.000-04:00

today sucked. i felt really tired and didn't go to any of my classes. i was gonna do some work but i kept falling asleep. and my best friend who introduced me to the church and i have decided to stop talking to each other for various reasons. he's studying at BYU for a year starting in june. i don't feel like explaning anything else about this situation just because it's so friggin screwed up and i might start crying again. and i don't want to do that. i know our Heavenly Father brings people into our lives for a reason, just as he takes people out of our lives for a reason. but it still SUCKS. so BLAGKAH i'm gonna do what i always do and hide whats wrong, steam rolling along pretending everythings ok.

SO... met this new guy tonight who is moving from Utah to Durham to go to duke. he seemed kinda overwhelmed at the lack of mormons in our town. he caught me staring off into space while standing in line for ice cream with a bunch of other people from our ward and said "what's wrong, you look kinda off-kilter." perceptive, this one. so then i tried to have a conversation with him but i get really nervous when i first meet people and talk too much. i mean, it's not like i was attracted to him or anything. i was just nervous. in fact i think i am more eloquent when i AM attracted to someone. and what can i say, most of the time i am a little off-kilter. but in a good way. i think.

since missionary photos are fair game according to webbkid, i'll include some to make this post not so sad and boring.

missionaries here in chapel hill on the day i was baptised

the BEST missionaries ever, at this internet cafe in spain where we would meet and i would spend 1.50 euros a piece to get them doctor pepper, which they don't have in spain

modeling poses

*sigh* goodtimes. i made copies of a photo from my baptism for all of them and bought these cute cards and stamps to send them with, i just haven't gotten around to doing it. i'm the worst investigator turned member ever. i DID try and email one of them when i thought he had gotten home, but he never emailed back. i tried to think of it as you aren't supposed to contact people from your mission for 3 months. isn't that a rule? i can't remember. hah, just like i said in my friday forum talk that "kids get baptized at age 7 right?" WHY DIDN'T ANYONE CORRECT ME? grrrrr.

ok here's a question for discussion: if a guy is about to go on his mission and is flirting with you, and under normal circumstances you would flirt back, do you take action?

more pictures cuz the are colorful and pretty!!!!

2005-04-13T23:31:00.000-04:00

me in granada, spain on top of La Alhambra

the mo crew in front of the dean dome before the championship game!!!

ma and pa

my doggie sasha

visiting friends in poland

smelly coffee

2005-04-13T22:27:00.000-04:00

just got back from work and i REEK of coffee. hair, clothes, everything. and there is a ring of coffee nast around the bottom of my jeans, ew ew ew. as all of you intelligent people have prolly guessed, and as it says in my profile, i work at a coffee shop. i had worked at one for a while a year ago, and so i already had the experience, so i figured what the hay i just won't drink it anymore. tonight, a group of like 20 people came in RIGHT before we closed and sat chatting for 20 minutes after. and then a garbage bag broke all over my shoes. good thing i made a whopping $1.16 in tips to make up for it.

the annoying thing with working at a coffee shop and not drinking the coffee is that i have to explain the situation all over again with every new co-worker i work with. and i never do a very good job at explaining it. and then the whole caffeine issue comes up, and i still drink caffeine, so i just confuse them more. and so now that the book is open they all have a million questions, which half the time i don't know the answers too or i suck at explaining. and everyone has a mormon friend or knew someone who was mormon and we have the whole "do i know them" conversation. cuz here in north carolina, if you are mormon you know pretty much all the other one's too. i think i would suck at being a missionary, i've thought about it just cuz i'm about to turn 21 this summer but i honestly don't think i would be able to help anyone, i'm so clueless myself.

speaking of missionaries, am i allowed to post a picture of them? i was gonna but i didn't want to commit a major faux-pah (spell???). french words are spelled funny. i'm taking french this summer for no reason, just to fill some elective credits. i plan to develop this woderfully honky french acCENT and turn every american word french like my friends Amy and Arti do. for example, i will walk around my apartmANT, scuff my feeeeet on zeee paveMANT while eeeating a deeeeleeeeeshous french croissANT. hurrah i can't wait.

like 8 couples got engaged in our ward last month. i don't know how i feel about that.

signs that you are a really geeky new convert (like me):
- you spent $40 bucks on your first trip to the mormon bookstore
- the highlight of your week was putting D&C post-scrips in your scriptures
- during sunday school you thumb through the pages of your quad so that the gold edging will wear off quiker and make your scriptures look all lovingly used like everyone else's.
- the only clothes you buy anymore are church clothes. and you bought new outfits for church every week like the first month so you could look cute for all the guys, ahem i mean people you were meeting
- you not only go to the singles' dances occasionally, you actually dance during the fast songs
- you go to every activity, and i mean EVERY activity, FHE, institute TWICE a week, friday forum, intermural softball, break the fasts, EVERYTHING. and you get really behind on school work because of it
-you have no idea who Kirby Heybourne is.

cute baptism picture

2005-04-13T02:18:00.000-04:00

obsessing

2005-04-13T02:08:00.000-04:00

i am starting to obsessively check my blog and others' blogs to see if anyone has left any comments or answered my comments, and i don't think thats very healthy. like right now i should be writing my paper on Borges which is due in 8 hours, but instead i'm looking to see if you people are writing me back. which not many of you are. so PLEASE be a doll and leave me a comment and make me happy the next time i obsessively check this. it's like that time i joined ldsmingle.com and checked my profile like 80 times a day just to see who had viewed me. i even got a lot of people who sent me "smiles" but they were normally all over 30 and from another country. there was this one guy i got up the balls to email, but he never email me back, but i got over it cuz he's from utah and i figured he got married or something in the 10 days since he had last signed on. wait, am i allowed to say balls? anyways, so i deleted my profile and started leaving my apartment again. now it is happening all over again. *sigh*

i realized my blog is boring cuz i don't have any pictures, so the blog after this is a picture of my family at my baptism. i can't figure out how to get the picture to actually show in this window, anyone got any suggestions? it keeps telling me i have no opening tag, which makes me grumpy.

aren't we cute? my mom and my sister were totally wearing pants, and my sister's belly was hanging out among other things, but dang it they were all there and my dad was wearing a suit. victory! that was such a good day, my mom even cried, and she is not a churchy person. i still got my work cut out for me though. BRING IT ON ;)

well now it's like 2 am and i'm tired and my essay will just have to wait. but before i go, a bedtime story just for you. there once was a girl named christine and she was going to lds church for the first time. she had to go out and buy a skirt cuz she didn't own one and she was real nervous. at church, she met all kinds of nice people a played with lots of cute kids. then she listened to this guy with a lisp talk about getting his eagle scout bagde and give his testimony and she was so amazed at how strong he felt about his faith and how refreshing it was to listen to someone who wasn't a paster or a priest but an everyday person speaking about the gospel. afterwards she was invited to eat lunch with this one family along with her friend, who was a member of the church. apparently this family didn't realize that poor christine was not a member and the father asked her to bless the food. after considering for a split second of saying no, she figured that would be awkward and sucked it up and said the prayer. it was elementary but pretty good for a first try, but she didn't know she had to say "in the name of Jesus Christ, amen" at the end. christine just said amen really quietly and i guess no one heard her cuz there was like this silence and everyone looked up and she was like "i'm done." it was weird. then she explained she wasn't a member, and they felt bad they made me pray and said i did a good job. oops, i mean they said christine did a good job. and she went home very happy and very hopeful, the end.

nighty night bloggers, que tengas suen~itos dulces, muah xoxo

boo nylons

2005-04-12T19:18:00.000-04:00

one area of mormon culture that i have not yet embraced is nylons, otherwise known as hose. not that anyone has ever told me to wear them, but rarely do i see someone NOT wearing them. and since observation is one of the only ways that one can learn mormon culture, i have come to the conclusion that i must wear a pair of dreaded nylons and feel like a stuffed sausage for almost 4 hours every sunday. guys like to complain about a tie, but it ain't NUTHIN compared to control top pantyhose. they are tight and annoying and look bad with sandals and make your legs look fake, and cover up the loveliness that is a freshly shaven, moisturized, tan leg, shining in all it's natural beauty. taking them off is a type of extasy all it's own. also, why do nylons come in size a, b, or q???? WHO CHOSE THE LETTER Q??? it's a slap in the face to normal-sized women, saying "you are way too ginormous to be called a C, let's make you feel even worse about yourself by calling you a size Q! mwuhahahahah!!!" i am now the unproud owner of "sheer vitality" nylons (more like sheer agony), because the pair i wore last week to church has a run in it from mid-thigh all the way down. i need to cut my fingernails before putting on this next pair. these sheer agony nylons claim to reduce leg faitgue. HA we'll see about that this sunday.

oops

2005-04-11T22:10:00.000-04:00

oopsie so the email that the person wrote me that i included in the last post said this at the bottom:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This message may contain confidential information, and isintended only for the use of the individual(s) to whom itis addressed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so don't tell anyone ok??? shhhhhhh

blarhgg another wasted day

2005-04-11T21:26:00.000-04:00

so i slept all day today. okay well not all day, i mean i went to class and then slept in class, and then came home and took a nap and woke up at 9pm. so yeah, i slept all day pretty much, and i woke up all sweaty...hmmmm. and i know i'm gonna wake up tomorrow and feel like doing the same thing. there is something wrong obviously i am just too lazy to go to the doctor and figure out what.

at least i wasn't woken up like i was so frecuently this weekend by my roomate and motorcycle boy who is a marine visiting from camp lejune. this is the second weekend he did that. and in between both weekends my roomate went out with like 5 other guys (by the way she ain't mormon, and she is way older than me like 26. not that it makes it ok). normally i would be semi-okay with this, but i mean they broke her friggin bed. that's how loud. and his loofah took up a considerable amount of space in the shower. and i couldn't take a crap for 3 days cuz ourbathroom is on the same wall as their room and i didn't want anyone to hear me.

also, at least i didn't have vivid dreams today. lately i have been having really horrible dreams, and they normally manifest my deepest darkest fears about the church. for example, while babysitting my parents dog for a week and having to take it out to pee at all hours of the morning, i dreamt that my dog was actually a missionay on my leash who i had to take out and coax to do his 'business.' i can't remember any of my other dreams at the moment, but i do remember this dream that this girl in my ward had about me.

she dreamt she was walking away from the celebration on franklin street in chapel hill after we (UNC) won the NCAA men's bball championship this year. she saw me smoking (i used to smoke before i became a member) and then she walked up to me and i was wearing temple clothing. she started to explain to me that you don't wear the temple clothing outside the temple and then her dream ended. in my opinion this dream shows she thinks i am a rebel in the church (the smoking) or i was a bad girl before becoming a member (which is kinda true) and haven't quite lost my bad girl tendencies. i dunno i could be overanalyzing. she is the type of mormon who walks out at dances during a song that uses the word "scandalous" and ALWAYS bears her testimony, and not just during fast and testimony meetings. don't get me wrong i love her so much she was my first person to come up to me in this ward and instantly befriend me, not knowing anything about me. but i'm just trying to expain that she is special. blah, i'm just looking for excuses.

okay so boys in this ward. a species all their own. won't even directly come out and ask you on a date. instead they will trick you. an even number of guys and girls anywhere and it's a date. OR they will tell you, "hey i'm hanging out with whatshisname this friday you wanna come" and only AFTER you say yes they will say "by the way, whatshisname is inviting whatshername" and then you realize- i've been tricked! and in my case, after hanging out for like a week, the guy will realize he could never be married to you, and just stops talking to you. then the next week you look on his away message and he is "in love" with some other chick in your ward. BLARGG. i'm unamused.

oops, hold on a sec my pokey sticks are here...... okay i'm back. what? you don't know what pokey sticks are? they are the best cheesy breadsticks EVER. i could totally hoover this entire medium order of them but then i will feel like crap and be pissed when there are none left over to eat tomorrow for breakfast.

look what some guy who listened to my talk on sunday night emailed me:

Sometimes i'm kind of shy so i didn't go up to you and say anything after the fireside but i really enjoyed your comments. They were really outstanding and i was very impressed at your ease in front of everyone and how well you explain your feelings. I think it's silly to send an email like this telling you how great it was, but it's probably better than saying nothing. Thank you for your remarks and for your testimony!

awwwww, WARM FUZZY. that's exactly what the doctor ordered i am invigorated to go save the world. or at least some lost puppies.

hazy

2005-04-10T21:37:00.000-04:00

a lightbulb in my overhead light went out and now it casts a hazy glow over my room. it's making me sleeeeeepy.

so while surfing other mormon single's blogs the other day i came across http://trunkychart.blogspot.com/ which is a blog of a missionary in the field (which by the way is kinda illegal right? he attempts to justify it). anyways, so this "Elder Orbit" in his latest blog is saying that women speakers are boring and in one of his comments says "My point was to say that woman have nothing of value to say." i then responded and basically told him he's gonna have a hard time finding a wife with that attitude and some other stuff which you can read for yourself, and this OTHER guy leaves a comment calling me a feminazi. a) HAHAHAH feminazi is a funny word b) if saying that some women might have valuable things to say makes me a feminazi then i accept that title with pride. c) HAHAHAAH feminazi is a funny word. d) the best word to describe the guy who called me a feminazi is a git. brian the git. read his blog and tell me i am not right http://webbkid.blogspot.com/ e) HAHAHHAHA

in other news....

i had to speak tonight at the missionary fireside, and while driving there i was practicing my talk in the car, holding my notes to the wheel and speaking out loud to my imaginary audience. (note: do not attempt this at home.) halfway through i get this feeling that someone is watching me and i turn my head and look at the car on my left and my friend chris is like hanging out the passenger window of tracey's car and making this insane face. i about drove off the road out of shock and then i laughed at his face and then i felt embarrased because they caught me. it was worth it though cuz my talk went really well, or at least it felt good. i felt the spirit so strongly, calming me and giving me confidence. i dragged my parents there, and my mom insisted that i had improved at public speaking becuase of my oral comm class freshman year. hopefully one day she will understand. in the meantime i shall drag her to all the ward missionary events we have and cross my fingers. and by crossing my fingers i mean pray. it's the new slang, pass it on.

lessons i have learned thus far:
-NEVER call your home teachers visiting teachers on accident during the prayer at the conclusion of their visit. i mean you can, but they will laugh at you and never let you forget it.
-NEVER go to google.com and type in "mormon" in search for information. baaaaad idea.
-on the day you are supposed to bring breakfast for your monday morning institute class, make sure to set your alarm.
-tone down the 'sas' on first dates. and if a boy calls you sassy, it's not a compliment

ummmm... we'll see if this works

2005-04-10T01:38:00.000-04:00

because i need yet ANOTHER reason to waste time online, i'm creating a blog. the things you must sacrifice to reach perfect procrastination. aim, facebook, now blogging. it's a natural progression.

anyways, so here are the basics. my name is christine, i'm 20 and i am a senior at UNC-Chapel Hill (2005 NCAA Champions baby!!). well technically i'm a junior cuz this is my third year, but i am graduating at the end of the summer. august 15. the end is in sight.

my life used to be pretty boring. but in january i became mormon. and now things are pretty interesting. and by interesting i mean both positively and negatively interesting. positive because i made like 80 friends in one month and now i'm not sitting at home on the couch everynight picking my nose. negative because at least once a week i do or say something comepletely un-mormon and embarrass the crap out of myself. i shall start out this blog with a particularily juicy embarrasing moment. enjoy.

one night after FHE in our singles ward (btw FHE for all you non-ldsers means family home evening, which in my singles ward means get your mack on) a couple of us were talking, and somehow the subject of cows came up. i have no idea how, quite honestly i wasn't paying attention to the conversation at first, i was checking out who was flirting with who and trying to figure out why it wasn't me, the glamorous new girl (HA). they were talking about how when you check to see if a cow is pregnant you have to wear gloves up to your shoulder and, well, yeah you get the picture. we were all kinda grossed out and some guy said something like "man, no one should have their hand up inside someone else." and i opened my big mouth and said "unless you are married to them." half of the group cracked up for like 10 minutes and declared me officially mormon while the other half (the utah girl half) stared at me horrified with open mouths. took a while to live that one down. i am still in the process of figuring out what is acceptable and what isn't in this church. i got the basics down, but everyday i find myself wishing i had someone to call up and ask all these dumb questions. so the bargain is, you get to be entertained and i get advice. everyone wins, hurrah. so please, for a poor new girl utterly lost in this giant maze called mormon culture, throw me a line. ok enough with the crappy metaphors i'm off to bed.